My New Harsh Reality - It really Sucks!

The day it happened was like any other day, the birds were chirping annoyingly outside my window, traffic was being obscenely loud on the state highway I live off of and my neighbor was cutting his grass for the 3rd time that week.



I had a hard time finding the energy to wake up!! Much less, Get out of Bed!! I was exhausted after sleeping 6 hours. Where in the heck did this exhaustion come from??!!

My 77 year old Mother needed her breakfast and medication and she was banging on her nightstand, trying to get me to go to her room.

I pushed through the exhaustion and sat up on the side of the bed. My head was spinning. I waited a few minutes and stood up on shakey legs. My walk resembled that of a drunk person. The thoughts in my head were normal but trying to speak them ... Well ... My words were not clear and precise. Mother quit her b*tching instantly.

I stumbled to the pantry, grabbing crackers, popcorn, chips, Gatorade and throwing it all in bags. Rifled through the fridge grabbing leftover chicken, a peach, yogurt, a half gallon of milk ... Stumbled back to Mom's room threw it all on her bed and then ... I passed the EF out and had a seizure!!

I woke up in the hospital. In my own room, where I had been asleep for more than 18 hours!!!

They ran all kinds of tests! MRI, EEG, CT scan, drained me of half my blood to the point where I thought they were feeding vampires in the basement!!

I had so many bruises on my arms and hands ... *Sigh* Everything hurt.

They finally sent me home after 3 days with a follow up with a neurologist in 2 days time. A pre-made appointment. When does that crap happen?!!

I showed up for the appointment where a nurse asked me a bazillion questions like ...
Do you have memory loss? How long have you suffered from tremors? Do you experience any numbness in your feet, legs, arms or hands? Do you get cramps in any extremities?? Etc etc etc. I was answering questions for an hour!!
The real kicker was ... Does anyone in your family have Multiple Sclerosis?

😕 You mean ... There's someone to blame for this hell??????!!!!!

The neurologist wanted to do a "lower lumbar puncture" which translates to Spinal Tap!! Which I said Hell to the NO! Much to his dismay, he will never change my mind about it. When he asks me every single time I see him, because I'm just client number 8,397 to his "body farm" mind, I invent new phrases for "NO!" Such as "You go first", " Not in this lifetime", "When spinal taps become a painless procedure perhaps", etc.

All the tests came back and I WON!!!
A lifetime of Misery! Pain! Suffering!!!
Just kill me now. 😢😥😭

Now, all this happened more than a month ago. I'm just now able to write about it. Heck, most of my family don't even know yet. Everyone sits in stunned silence and says " I'm sorry. " My brother went on a rampage and I haven't spoken to him since that phone call.

I just want to be able to talk about it without crying.

It's hereditary.

I've always had tremors, well since I was in my mid 20's and it was so embarrassing! I found out a few years ago that my brother has tremors too.

I know what you're thinking!!
I'm not dying from it tomorrow. It's a long, painful death. Well, hopefully anyway. Suffering should be my middle name.

MS is not going to stop me.
I'm going to slow down some, maybe.

I recently had a set back (last week.) Stress seems to be a trigger. Hahahahaha! Well ... Shucks! MS Sucks! I can't imagine life without stress.