Today is my mothers birthday. She's 82. My mother had my siblings and I late in life. I don't recommend it.
Still... Even though she made my childhood hell on earth, my brother and I TRY to be forgiving on HER birthday because we understand why she is the way she is.
This year we bought her a dozen yellow roses, a huge triple chocolate cake and few presents, so she can complain about something new. Oh and I bought them a huge catfish meal each. I'm not a fan of catfish so I bought me a few sides (French fries & shrimp I tried to hide. LOL. I hate catfish, not shrimp!!)
You have no idea how hard it is,to be nice to someone who use to forget where or who she left you with. My mother has recently been diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with blatant narcissism tendencies. I heard she cussed out her doctor because he told her, her diagnosis.
Friends who have met my mother, met a fake persona. The moment you were off her property, she didn't have a nice word to say about you. No exceptions. And she's always been that way, she used to hide it better but now... Now she has no filter.
I try to love her. It's almost impossible. Yet I DO try.
Her mean comments almost always trigger a childhood memory. I remember the days of being terrified because I said, did or couldn't remember the wrong thing.. And waiting for her to put on her rings so she could beat my flesh, instead of spanking me. I really think that's why I never have liked wearing rings of any kind. Those "ring" memories can still make me break out in a cold sweat.
I think I was 12years old when I finally had enough of her shit and swung back. She threw me out when I was 13. Bitch got her ass beat. I took her beatings and bullshit all my life. Finally had my fill of her crap. She called the cops on me because she felt safe, knowing her cop boyfriend would have her six. He took one look at me and threw her ass in jail. She didn't think her crazy ass had beat me that bad. My uncle Gene & Aunt Joy let me come stay with them a few days. My aunt Joy... She really couldn't have helped me more but those expressive eyes held as much hurt and compassion than I had ever seen in my life. Joy helped me in the bathtub because I could barely bend, after being kicked in the stomach 20+ times. I was 12!!! My own mother acted like I was the devil, Monday thru Saturday but come Sunday, She expected me to go to a church that was full of snobs and didn't want me there. I had grown adults tell me that just because my mommy & daddy had been members, that didn't mean I belonged there.
It wasn't just my mommy & dead daddy that had been members ... I got my feelings hurt by that old man, that said those things (he's dead now), so I decided I would never go back and walked to my grannies house. I walked in her house, sat in my papa's recliner... Granny had been taking a nap on the couch. She lifted her head and said "Well hey Renea. What are you doing here at this hour?" I just burst into tears. I got picked on by everybody and Granny couldn't have been nicer but my 12 year old self had it beaten into my head, not to say mean things to adults. I knew that granny would tell my mother that I had walked to her house, when I should have been at church and I would receive another beating (legs, arms, torso & back). Mother learned where to hit where it couldn't be seen. I begged granny not to tell my mother that I had walked to her house when I should have been in church. Granny was up in a flash with promises of not telling my mother anything. Then I told her about the old man telling me that I shouldn't be there. I had never seen my Granny get that mad in my entire life. I swear her eyes turned a bright blue for a flash. She said "Come On, Point him out to me."
Granny didn't drive so she asked her best friends son 'Scott' for a ride down to the church. I pointed the fat man out and that next Sunday, He wasn't in church. My uncle Candler went and had a chat with him. I was so young that I really didn't know what that meant. 😆 I know now and since my uncle Candler is deceased, It's OK for the world to know what an awesome badass he was. He was actually my Grannies brother so that made him my great uncle. I swear ... I couldn't have loved him more regardless of how we were related. He saved me so many times.
I was 32years old when my uncle Candler passed away. His step daughter called the day before he died and I drove for 9 hours to see him one last time. I arrived just in time to tell him "Thank you for being my hero. I love you so much!!!" He smiled and passed away 2 minutes later. We stayed close over the years even though my mother hated him. She hates everyone, me especially. I'm the one who beat her ass when I was 13. She learned real quick that I was done taking her shit. DFACS (Dept of family and children services) was just a place that put orphaned kids in foster homes back then. They didn't care if you were beaten to death or raped. That "wasn't their department" unless it was a high profile case. I had to grow up at 6 when my daddy died from a heart attack. Mother has bragged all my life how she killed him by bitching him to death.
Nothing she says affects me anymore. I honestly have no memories of receiving hugs or anything less than pain, from my mother. She once told her psychiatrist that our arguments is how we showed love. I was sitting across the room from her when she said it. I jumped up "No. No, it's not. She's incapable of love for anyone but herself. I hate her and hope she burns in hell." Then we had a screaming match where I kept screaming "Ask Satan for a cup of ice water you lying bitch! You had kids to abuse because nobody else would take your shit! I fucking hate you!" Then I slammed the door on my way out of the office. I did leave her alone for 11 years. No phone calls, No letters, No visits. I regret ever coming back. After my 2nd year of leaving her alone, I was pulled over for a brake light that was out and the officer said I was reported "missing" then he tried to guilt me into calling her. I said "Do you think she feels guilty for selling me when I was 8 to the town pervert? NO! I'M NOT CALLING HER. I'M GROWN. tell her to rot in hell. I'm not missing, I've lived here for four years. I just don't want to talk to her evil self anymore." Gas lighting mother fucker.
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