I just spent 63 days in the hospital, it's my "home away from home". Am I happy about it? NOOOO. Why is it that when I hit 40 EVERYTHING turned to shit??!!!
I am so over it.
Bad health seems to run in my family, on both sides. 😐 Yay! It's currently 7 something in the morning. I went to sleep at 11 something last night. I've been awake 20 mins wishing I could go back to sleep but my back is killing me where the surgeon placed my phenostomy tube. Naphenostomy, Nafenostomy ... 😠 PEE BAG TUBE. The hell if I can spell the damn word right. I know the N came before the F. Whatever 🙄. Want to see it? It's not gross, just disturbing. The product of Liver Disease that led to kidney disease.
Oh yes. I'm the proud new owner of a pee bag that I have to pin to the inside of my clothing!! I know you're so jealous right now. Yet I still pee in the potty! How? Why? Well the bag/tube is exclusively for my right side kidney. It's been operating at 15% and for 68 days it was bleeding. Now it's not.
My left kidney is completely gone. It was removed years ago when some dumbass doctor left a stent in my kidney for 5 freaking years!! See why this kidney is so important? I'm now peeing in the potty because my right kidney received antibiotics for 63 days and went from 15% to 50%. I'm still on the donors list to receive a kidney. My blood type is pretty unique and it's possible I may die before I ever receive one. Yay!
Did you know it's illegal to kill yourself? Trust me, I've tried. "oh but why Renea? Why do you want to end your life? Why do this to me?" 😆😆😆 Oh let me count the reasons ...
1. Diabetic
2. Kidney disease
3. Multiple Sclerosis
4. Liver is NEW ... Old liver literally died, my sissy gave me a piece of her liver. The anti rejection drugs make me violently puke every day. It's not normal but "they're still working." Greeeeaaaaat. 😐
5. I'm tired of adulting!! 😥 This shit is HARD. I have had a heart attack, a mild stroke, a host of mental health conditions and my mother is as crazy as a shit house rat. Her narcissistic behavior has completely annihilated any kind of relationship with my other siblings and I'm not far behind. Her toxic mouth and constant negativity is why she's about to be the ward of the state, yet again. I have tried to forgive her for the horror show called 'My Childhood' but I can't, and she proves to me day after day why she doesn't want forgiveness.
6. Why do I keep surviving shit?!!! My urologist gave me a 20% chance to survive this last surgery so why did I survive?? 😣 fuuuuccckkk.
7. A host of mental health disorders like ADHD, Social Anxiety disorder (SAD 😂 it hits me at weird times, like at my niece's birthday party. 1 minute I'm fine, next minute I'm hyperventilating & passing out.) Depression, etc, etc.
And yes. I have a boyfriend. We are not exclusive. His name is Mxxx 😝 that's all your getting. He spent all 63 days with me and worked remotely. ❤. He's nice & sweet to me but not to most people. He got jealous with a 93 yr old man who befriended me at the hospital 😆. That was funny!! He tried to say he wasn't but his facial expressions gave him away.
Anyway ... See ya on the flip side. ✌ Peace Out.
💋
*Written in the wee hours of mornin, published much later. Every blog post takes time.
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