DV (2)

 That one time...

 

You know ... I was very offended yesterday by your question. However, someone once said to me "You can't read emotions in to words." and I thought about that all night. So I'm going to answer your question. You may not like it and then again, you may get some sick pleasure from it. I don't really know you and although it may seem that I want to, I really don't.

You want to know about domestic violence. Well, my best friend survived a domestic violence situation and is now living the aftermath. Do you know how it feels to witness another persons torture? Knowing you couldn't do anything? That kind? Oh wait, my 1st husband punched me in the nose and I chased his ass for 2 miles with a butcher knife in my hand? He should have kept his hands to himself. We are NOT friends. That was also my 1st trip to the nut hut. Shortest marriage ever, 2 months! I had it annulled. Momma didn't raise no punching bag. Had the cops not stop me, I would have killed him. The problem was, they couldn't quit laughing long enough for me to get around their car. 😜 That was also my only husband that was brave enough to lay his hands on me. I'm A pretty good judge of character. (I don't know why all my a's automatically capitalize, it's annoying.) 

*I make it very clear from the beginning of any relationship, you respect me and I will respect you. I have a serious issue with being hit in anger. I will flip the fuck out. My anger management classes taught me nothing. Only .. I mostly fight to do things, like take a stance, go against the system, fight the injustices.. I've had boyfriends try me. It never ended well. I've met my match and been in the hospital for weeks, one time. His ONLY agenda was to make me feel safe before he tried beating me to death. I heard he went fishing and never came back.

In "small town" usa, that's a reputable death. I don't think my 1st ex husband ever got his balls back, if you know what I mean. Hell, kids in school, knew I was crazy. I once punted the principal down the bleachers, like a football. He caught air and then he dropped like a dead weight and rolled the last 5 steps down. I thought it was funny and laughed loudly. The principal should have done his fucking job and quit blaming me for shit I wasn't doing. See how that works? 

Yes, I got expelled and spent some time in juvi. After getting out, I was sent straight to a boarding school for bad kids, in Alabama. Fun times! [insert sarcasm].

You want to know about the worst though, right? The one memory that gives me nightmares, the one memory that causes such rage and anguish on 1 day a year? 

It didn't even happen to me.

I'm the only person left to tell that tale. Everyone it happened to, is dead.

One of my adopted children had a friend who slept at our house, for the better part of five years. He had a bad home life and a father that was an alcoholic. Similar to what I endured with my own home life, when I was a kid. So if I found him sleeping in my house, I never said anything. After awhile, he just blended in. He would get the same treatment from me, that all my kids got. If he needed a ride, he would call me. If he needed clothes, shoes, etc... He would be provided with those things. Hugs was something he couldn't do for years. He tried ... But when you are an abused kid, you can never let your guard down. I understood him & his traumas. But that last year ... He had changed. 

One night, after his senior football game, this boy's dad followed us home. He made a big scene on my front lawn, the police were called and before I could process why or what was going on, the dad shot his son and then turned the gun on the officers, where he was riddled with bullet holes.

I held that boy until the coroner arrived. He whispered things I will never repeat, while coughing up blood. I desperately tried to stop the bleeding. I watched his soul leave his body. The spark go out of his eyes. He had bled out in my arms. I was devastated. It broke me. 

But wait, There's more!

A few years ago, I volunteered at a DV women's shelter. This shelter was just for women with children who were in abusive relationships. I mostly answered the phone and did light cleaning. One night, I met Betty. She had been brought in earlier that day, from the hospital and was waiting for her sister to bring her two year old twins, that she had been keeping. We got to know each other over the next few weeks and then she graduated the program and went on her merry way. The program helped them with an apartment and finding a job. Betty was living in a new city and had been living a new life. My older girls loved Betty's little boys and would argue over who was going to babysit on whatever night. That's how close we got. I set her up on blind dates and Betty was finally rediscovering herself. She was sweet, funny, kind and a bad poker player. We celebrated 3 years of friendship just for an excuse to party. We laughed, A lot, about the most mundane things.

After Betty and her boys, left my home 🙁 on the night of November 22 ... Betty called me to say that her & the boys got home, safe. 3 hours later, my phone started ringing. I answered to a belligerent man singing "peek-a-boo, I see you." I recognized his voice. If he ever saw me & Betty out shopping, he would make a bee line right for us so he could scream profanities, closer. He didn't like paying child support, etc 🙄. Of course he always liked to call us lesbians because it gave him a thrill. He didn't like my methods of shutting him up. Like a throat punch.

Anyway, the song sent chills down my spine. I hung up on him and immediately called Betty but her phone just rang, then went to voicemail. I called again, same result. I woke up Seamus and had him take me to Betty's house. We got there and knocked on every window.  I called 911 to do a welfare check. After 30 minutes of waiting, I quit waiting. The back door had been kicked in. I went in using an unlocked window. I discovered Betty's body after he dismembered her and both of her boys had been shot to death, in the face. 

Before I could react, I heard footsteps walking across linoleum, in the kitchen. Seamus was holding my phone and I called 911 back to see if they had any officers in the house. They didn't. I shot Betty's ex in the knee cap and he broke his neck after rolling down the stairs. Then I went back to the nut hut for a few weeks because every time I blinked ... I saw Betty & Her boys that were home safe. But they weren't. 

**Betty is a fictional name. Her family like brothers, sisters and parents, etc are still alive and have to miss them for the rest of their lives. I won't be the cause of anymore grief for them.

Let's chit chat about a male friend who also lost his life, to domestic violence. 

Mike was a big & sweet ol teddy bear. We met at a job at pizza hut, when I worked 2nd shift there one year. We had the most fun at work and one time I went in, on my day off just to be recognized by a strange guy who bragged about "tracking me down".  That year, I cared less and less about being approached by people I didn't know.  I had several " meet and greets" that year and I would practically beg people to stay in their lane by NOT tracking me down from a video. 

I use to complain to Mike about it. Mike's wife worked there too and she was a straight up bitch to him. I hated her. She was always calling him "fat ass". Sure, He was a big guy but that's not how you talk to someone you claim to love. Every time she called him that, I would see the pain on his face. He loved her but he had a thyroid disorder and he was taking steroids for a severe asthma condition.

We all went home one night, around 11pm and the next day at 10am, the district manager called me to see if I could come in early because Mike's wife had shot Mike dead, the night before. I had to work the entire shift alone because every other person quit that day. They called in to quit. I shut the doors at 8pm and quit. It took the district manager 3 days to reopen the store. Too many memories is why I quit. Everyone said the same thing.

She's in prison for murder. She's never leaving. It was premeditated.

I think I have covered all the bases. Child, A Woman and A Man. Indirectly related to the question you asked. Has it affected me? My magic 8 ball says " yes".